The Bubble People

I know, I haven't written in a long time, but I was just too disgusted with the politics as of lately and haven't been able to get anything coherent down into my musings. So, for those of you actually read what I write and enjoy it, my deepest apologies.

I was talking to a fellow Military Families Speak Out friend in Houston this morning, as we haven't had a chance to talk for quite some time. We talked about our recent travels and people who are disconnected from this war in Iraq and the increasing quagmire in Afghanistan, apperently yet another military adventure that can't be won military. But really, this musing is not so much about politics as such, it is more about those who are not affected by the war, but who nevertheless "appreciate" the services and sacrifices that military members render to this country.

I am of the firm belief that these people are truly clueless as to what this "service" and "sacrifice" really means to those left at home. I have been a military spouse for eight years now, and yes, there were deployments even before Iraq, some routine and some operational in the Balkan theatre, it was hard, but somehow, this all made some sense and subsequently made the time apart something that one could understand. I am not saying that being by myself with a toddler for an average of 4-5 months per year was easy, but it was managable and understandable.

Now, five years after 9/11, some 1.5 million service members have been deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. I do not know if this number includes repeat deployments that are counted as 2 servicemembers going or if actually 1.5 million different service member have been in theatre. But just for simplicity's sake, let's assume that about 1 million different people have deployed. That is less than one percent in my math book.

What does the vast majority think about or what are they concerned about? Do they think about the servicemember's spouse down the road when she can't get a haircut without hiring a sitter? Do they help when the spouse is sick and can't just lay down because there are children to raise, feed, and to play with, soccer practices, homework? Do they turn away when the spouse says, "it just sucks right now" when asked how she is doing? Yes, they do turn away, they turn away from our pain of loneliness, emptiness, sadness, and at times anger when we tell them how we feel, it is too uncomfortable to listen to, to deal with and to offer a helping hand. At times last year, I was tempted to draw a gigantic smily face on a piece of cardboard and hold it up when people asked how things were going, because it seemed, that is what they wanted to see. Or we hear, "you know what you have married," not whom, but what. Sorry, my husband is not a "what" and no, i have not expected to spend most of our marriage apart.

I have heard stories about people having nannies, maids, and two parents at home and they could not find five minutes to call a spouse left at home. I have heard from my ladies (I am still very protective of all of them) that they have been told to take Prozac while their loved ones are away. I have heard of spouses whose neighbors had 4th of July picnics in their backyard but could not bother to invite the lonely spouse. These people, these 99 percent, who so much appreciate everything our servicemembers do, can't be bothered to help on the homefront. Oh, sorry, yes they are some who help, but they are a few here and there, some of which I have never met, but to whom I largely owe my sanity during repeat deployments. Those, who listen to the crying, those who let us vent and those who are just there when needed, a huge thank you and I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate your support, love and friendship.

I am not saying that we are totally alone during deployments, we have each other, some kind of a "sisterhood" that is just there, no matter how well we really know each other, how exhausted we might feel with our own issues when hubby is gone, we still sit each other's kids to give each other a break, we still manage to have our routine and go on with our live, really, we don't have a choice do we? Even when we are sick and feel like sleeping for days or when we are down and just don't even want to get out of bed. I am not saying we are better than the rest, but we are certainly better than the "Bubble People", those mentioned above, who pride themselves in knowing about a service member but really don't do anything else. They are worried about football scores of universities that they never attended, or baseball games in cities that they have never visited themselves.

It is rediculous, but those who support the war the most, would never even consider sending their own (as per my own experiences) and they have also been the least likely to lend a helping hand. But they have the yellow sticker on their car, probably supporting some poor little child in China labouring for 10 cents per hour .... I just want the Bubble People to wake up and walk a mile in our shoes, I want them to look into their child's eyes and try to answer the question whether or not daddy will die. I want them to calm down a child who cries because he hears about a bomb in a faraway land that has killed Americans, when that child is afraid that his or her own daddy is not going to come home. I want them to try to find words when their 8-year old doesn't care anymore if daddy gets shot or wounded, as long as it means that daddy is going to come home. I want them to see the sadness in their kids eyes when daddy is not there for yet another birthday or Christmas or fill-in-blanks.

Yes, I am bitter at times at those who have their hubbies at home and whine about how hard their lives are. But they have two parents at home for the most part, for some reason, I just want the draft back NOW, so everyone is affected by this insanity, this insanity of not knowing when we wave another plane good-bye or when we are facing the fact that daddy will only be home for a few months before heading out again. I want them to stop telling us that they "understand". No, sorry, you Bubble People,you don't understand and I seriously doubt that no matter how much you stretch your imagination, you will never understand. So Bubble People, put your money where your mouth is, live up to your yellow ribbon slogan of "Support the Troops" by starting to support those at the homefront. When you have done that, and share with us a bit, then maybe you can say that you understand a little, because the reality is, you are not sitting in a house full of memories every night, wishing you could be like the other families down the street when daddy comes home for dinner. Oh, and maybe you could be bothered to call when the kids are in bed, so we are not just watching CNN all day and night long, getting nervous about yet another casualty in the Al Anbar provice. Al Anbar is on the left side of the Iraq map, close to the Syrian border, most dangerous area over there you know. Oh yes, we know Iraq's map really well these days, somehow we feel like we could drive a convoy from Ramadi to Falluja blindfolded, but we care about what our service members do, every day, it frightens us and we do lose sleep, but we do move on somehow.

So Bubble People, I challenge you to do more than put the yellow ribbon on your car and do to more than just ramble about how grateful you are about our spouses' service and sacrifice. Sometimes, thinking about the Bubble People, I really come to belief that this war in Iraq or Afghanistan is not a war that America is fighting, it is less than one (1) percent of the population who is fighting it, again and again, they are truly the war against terror, everything else is empty and ignorant lipservice, and most of all, an insult to those who really serve and those left behind.